last week of school!

Well the semester is winding down. 3 more days of actual classes! I'm not really worried about finals. My math final will be easy and english as long as I do good on my paper I should do pretty good in the class. And I'm pretty confident about this paper. The only class I'm worried about is human sexuality. It's a fun class but it's really hard. I guess I'll just have to study extra hard for that test.

Next Saturday is coming up faster then I thought it would! Its the big day that I move to carbondale. I have absolutely nothing done that I wanted to have done by this time. I haven't even gotten boxes yet! I'm going after school to get those. Then its a long week and a half worth of cleaning and packing. I guess I shouldn't have waited til the last minute again.

I'm actually getting really nervous about the move. Being in a new place is going to be a lot to get used to. Hopefully I won't get too lost down there. I'm also scared about starting at a university. I have no idea how much different it will be then swic. Hopefully there won't be much of a change.

My daughter is going to be starting day care. That's scary. She's growing up so fast. Already 15 months old. These past 15 months have flown by. I'm sure she'll do great at day care. She's such a good little girl. The only one I'm worried about is how I'll react to her being in day care. I've never been away from her that long before. It's going to be a big change for me. Hopefully everything works out!

last month of school!

I'm slowly starting to realize that the semester is coming to an end. There's only a month left of school. Finals are right around the corner. Thanksgiving is next week already. Christmas is a few weeks away. And then New Years. This semester has flown by. I'm no where near ready for finals. I only have 2 final tests to take and then the english presentation. After finals are over I move 2 days later. It's all finally becoming real to me that this is my last semester at SWIC and my last month in Belleville and then I'm off to a new adventure and a new beginning.

I'm getting really nervous about the move. I know I'm only going an hour and a half away but I've never been more then 10 miles from my mom before. And to top it off we have to give up our dog because we can't take her. That's the worst part of it all. It's gunna kill my little girl because that dog is her best friend. Hopefully someday we'll be able to get her a new dog.

I went down to Carbondale on Friday and registered for classes. I'm taking sociology, lit, elementary math, and two education classes. It's gunna be a hard semester. Somewhere in between my full school schedule I have to work, keep my house in order, and be a wife and mother all at the same time. This should be an interesting experience for me. We've been living with my husbands parents for the last 3 months so we could save up money for school and now we're going to be out on our own in a whole new place. I've time to grow up once and for all.

I have 3 more weeks working at the library and then I'm done with work until the move. At least I'll be able to concentrate on finals and not have to worry about going to work. And I'll be able to spend more time with my family. All in all I'm ready for the move and just patiently waiting for December 19th to get here and start the next chapter in my life!

halloween and my birthday

My birthday was pretty awesome. I didn't get to go to 6 flags because it was cold and raining so we just went the the bar a played pool. I didn't get drunk like most people get on their 21st but I also had to go home and take care of my daughter. I had a lot of fun though. I went to the casino for the first time too and lost about 40 bucks. I didn't mind losing because I still got to spend alone time with my husband and just hang out for a little while baby free. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with her, but I need some adult conversation and not all baby talk.

Halloween was great. My little girl was minnie mouse. She was so adorable. She walked around holding her little elmo basket all night and got to have her first sucker. She didn't really understand what was going on but she figured out when she smiled she got more candy. She loved it. We took her to a halloween party for kids and she was in a costume contest but didn't win. She should have tho because she was so much cuter then the pig that won. I guess I'm bias though. Can't wait until next year when she can go around and know a little more about whats going on! Time to start planning her costume so we can win that contest!

research topic

I've been thinking all day of a topic to write about but there's nothing that I can think of that I really want to write about. Last year I wrote a paper on abortion and did really good on it, but we're not allowed to write about abortion. I've done a drunk driving paper and really don't want to write about that again. I thought about diabetes because my mom is diabetic but I don't think I really want to write about that either. It's like my mind isn't letting me think of topics that would be interesting to me. I really don't like research papers. I'd rather have a paper that is a set topic and I'm told what to write about. It's easier for me to get into it and then I don't waste time debating back and forth on what topic to write about.

carbondale

I went down to Carbondale on Friday to check out the area again and look at some places. The first place we looked at was definitely a no. Then we went and checked out university housing. We're considering just staying in family housing which means our animals have to stay back home, at least for a semester. That's the part that really suck but its cheap and minutes away from campus. We haven't made any decisions and I won't find out if we got accepted for university housing til November. I guess I'll decide then.

We went to the mall after we applied for housing. The mall down there was a HUGE disappointment. They only had 2 places to eat in the food court. Most of the store we're empty. And the ones that were open weren't that great. I guess I'll have to find a mall close to Carbondale or just come back here when I want to go shopping.

I'm really excited about the move that coming up. We're moving December 18. The day after I'm done with finals. It feels so far away but really it's only 2 months away. I'm pretty nervous about being that far away. I'll miss my mom so much. But I guess I'll just have to deal.

Hopefully everything goes the way its planned. We'll see what happens over the next two months....

Life has been so crazy the last few weeks. I'm trying to keep up with all my classes which I'm barely succeeding at, I work 15-20 hours a week at the library, and I'm dealing with a bunch of family issues on top of it. I just need a vacation. My stress level is through the roof! I really don't have 2 seconds to just take a breath. My daughter is so active. All she wants to do is play which is great but I need a break at some point.

We're moving in 2 months down to Carbondale. I'm starting school there in January. Hopefully I'll have some time to relax. I'll have a month before classes start and I don't plan on getting a job for that entire month. Just hang out at home and spend time with my family, which I don't even have time to do now.

I'm really excited about the move. I've never lived more then 20 minutes away from here so it'll be interesting to see what its like to be a little farther away. I know its only like an hour and a half but I'm use to always being right by my mom. That's going to be the hardest part, moving away from my mom. She's my best friend and its going to kill me being more then 20 minutes away from her. But I guess its time to start my own life and focus on whats best for me and my family.

Hopefully things start to slow down over the next few weeks. I just wanna take a weekend off and drive to Chicago for a few days. Just go up there and forget all about life down here and all the stress I'm under. Maybe I'll do that for my birthday...

birthday plans for the big 21

My birthday is in a little over a month. October 27th I'll be turning 21. I'm really excited! Me and my husband have a tradition of going to freight fest for my birthday. Usually we go alone but this year we're going with a group of 6. It should be pretty exciting. I love 6 flags! I'll end up having 3 birthday dinners, too. My husband is taking me to the spaghetti factory. It's my all time favorite place to eat. And then my parents will take me somewhere and my in-laws will take me somewhere. I love my birthday! Its my favorite time of the year! This year I really want a new laptop but I doubt I'll be that lucky. I'm also hoping to have a party that doubles as a halloween party. Not sure if that will actually happen. It will be very interesting to see how everything works out and if i actually get lucky and get a new laptop.

the wonders of being distracted

I've been sitting here for over 2 hours now trying to write this letter for class and so far all I have typed in is my name, the class, and the date. I can't for the life of me decide what to write it on! So I'm sitting here staring at my computer screen just thinking about the possibilities. Which then makes me realize how much I HATE my laptop. I have one of those tiny netbooks that you can barely even fit an entire internet screen on unless you have the words extremely small. It gives me the worst headache. It probably doesn't help that I don't wear my glasses, but in all honesty, those give me a headache because they aren't the right prescription. As I sit here and contemplate how much I hate my laptop and how much I wish i could buy myself a new one I realize another problem. The lack of money that I have. I work 2 jobs and am still flat broke. Does anyone else seem to have that problem? All my money goes to bill and gas and food. Why does the cost of living always seem to outweigh the amount your actual pay check is every single time? Which from there I start thinking about my move to Carbondale that is coming up in a few months. I wonder if I'll be able to make it down there. If I'll have the money to support my family. The courage to start at a university. SWIC has always been my safe bet. I wasn't wasting a lot of money on something I'm not 100% sure is what I really want to do with my life. I'm scared to leave my parents. Even if it is only an hour and a half away. Life is full of distractions, which is why I probably shouldn't have waited til the day before the paper is due to write it... because now I'm only distracted by what life has decided to throw my way..

Quote

"You write in order to change the world, knowing perfectly well that you probably can't, but also knowing that literature is indispensable to the world... The world changes according to the way people see it, and if you alter, even by a millimeter, the way people look at reality, then you can change it." - James Baldwin

50 years ago our society have extremely different thoughts and ideas then what we have today. Back in the 50's it was customary for the women to stay home and cook and clean and take care of the children, and for the men to go out and work and make all the money. It took the thoughts and ideas of a few courageous women to change the way people view the capability of a woman. This quote really hits home. All it takes is a little putting a little bit of doubt in someones mind to possibly change the way they think and act completely.

I'm a smoker. I have been since I was 17 and never really thought about quitting. Sure i knew that eventually it would probably kill me but I never really cared. I was living for the now and not for the future. I quit while I was pregnant for the sake of my childs health and still refuse to be anywhere near her when i smoke, but until recently that wasn't going to stop me from doing it. Two weeks ago my aunt found out she had lung cancer and that it had spread to her liver. She smoked at least a pack a day. She died last week. It took her dying for me to realize what exactly I'm doing to myself and what I'm doing to my daughter. If I continue to smoke chances are at some point it'll kill me. It can happen at any age which could potentially mean I would be leaving my daughter to deal with events in her life without the love and support of her mother. The smallest or biggest events or ideas can completely change the way you view the world. Maybe you can't exactly change the whole world, but at least you can change the way the world is to you and even your family.

I've now decided to quit smoking. I know it'll be hard but I've decided it's best for me and my family. I wanna be around as long as possible to watch my daughter grow up and get married and have children of her own some day.

Weekend Happenings!

I actually had a pretty awesome weekend. Friday night I went with my family to red lobster for endless shrimp. It was really good. Although, I doubt that I'll ever be able to keep up with the amount of shrimp my husband can eat. I didn't even eat a fourth of what he did. After dinner we went to toys r us to look for my daughters birthday present. She's turning one on September 12. We're getting her this really cool table that has 4 different stations that she can do things and it teachers her numbers, letters, colors, and animals in both English and Spanish. I'm pretty sure she'll love it. Anything that makes noises when she hits it seems to be the most amazing thing in the world to her. I can not wait to give it to her!

Saturday my husband, my daughter, and I went camping with my parents out at Carlyle. It was beautiful out there! So quite and peaceful. Our campsite was right next to the water. It was freezing cold during the night, though. My parents got to sleep in the camper and we were stuck in a tent. Should have brought a space heater. It seriously got down in the 50's! We had 2 blankets on and i was still shivering. We had to bring our daughter into bed with us so she wouldn't get cold. She of course was sweating. That girl puts off so massive heat... I'll never understand it.

Kady (my daughter) wasn't all that into camping. Maybe in a few years whens she understands it a little more. She just wanted to crawl and play by the fire and got mad when we wouldn't let her. She was easily distracted though by the dogs, thank god. We'll take her back in a few years when she can play in the water and go fishing and stuff.

In the middle of the night last night we heard a lot of people walking around our tent. We figured they were just taking a short cut to the bathrooms so we didn't think much of it. Next thing I know I hear someone walk behind our tent around the the front and start messing with the zipper. At the same time my daughter woke up and scared them off. Never figured out who it was, but it was definitely scary.

Today I didn't do anything at all after I got back home. Just hung out and did some homework. After the lack of sleep I had last night I'll be very happy to sleep in my nice warm bed tonight! I really need to catch up on sleep. School is really starting to wear me out. I'm ready for christmas break and its only been a week!!

So this is my first time ever using a blog and I'm not going to lie I'm really confused on the whole thing. I've done facebook and myspace and xanga but this is different. I have no idea how to find people or even really how to use it. If anyone can help me it would be MUCH appreciated! Thanks!