birthday plans for the big 21

My birthday is in a little over a month. October 27th I'll be turning 21. I'm really excited! Me and my husband have a tradition of going to freight fest for my birthday. Usually we go alone but this year we're going with a group of 6. It should be pretty exciting. I love 6 flags! I'll end up having 3 birthday dinners, too. My husband is taking me to the spaghetti factory. It's my all time favorite place to eat. And then my parents will take me somewhere and my in-laws will take me somewhere. I love my birthday! Its my favorite time of the year! This year I really want a new laptop but I doubt I'll be that lucky. I'm also hoping to have a party that doubles as a halloween party. Not sure if that will actually happen. It will be very interesting to see how everything works out and if i actually get lucky and get a new laptop.

the wonders of being distracted

I've been sitting here for over 2 hours now trying to write this letter for class and so far all I have typed in is my name, the class, and the date. I can't for the life of me decide what to write it on! So I'm sitting here staring at my computer screen just thinking about the possibilities. Which then makes me realize how much I HATE my laptop. I have one of those tiny netbooks that you can barely even fit an entire internet screen on unless you have the words extremely small. It gives me the worst headache. It probably doesn't help that I don't wear my glasses, but in all honesty, those give me a headache because they aren't the right prescription. As I sit here and contemplate how much I hate my laptop and how much I wish i could buy myself a new one I realize another problem. The lack of money that I have. I work 2 jobs and am still flat broke. Does anyone else seem to have that problem? All my money goes to bill and gas and food. Why does the cost of living always seem to outweigh the amount your actual pay check is every single time? Which from there I start thinking about my move to Carbondale that is coming up in a few months. I wonder if I'll be able to make it down there. If I'll have the money to support my family. The courage to start at a university. SWIC has always been my safe bet. I wasn't wasting a lot of money on something I'm not 100% sure is what I really want to do with my life. I'm scared to leave my parents. Even if it is only an hour and a half away. Life is full of distractions, which is why I probably shouldn't have waited til the day before the paper is due to write it... because now I'm only distracted by what life has decided to throw my way..

Quote

"You write in order to change the world, knowing perfectly well that you probably can't, but also knowing that literature is indispensable to the world... The world changes according to the way people see it, and if you alter, even by a millimeter, the way people look at reality, then you can change it." - James Baldwin

50 years ago our society have extremely different thoughts and ideas then what we have today. Back in the 50's it was customary for the women to stay home and cook and clean and take care of the children, and for the men to go out and work and make all the money. It took the thoughts and ideas of a few courageous women to change the way people view the capability of a woman. This quote really hits home. All it takes is a little putting a little bit of doubt in someones mind to possibly change the way they think and act completely.

I'm a smoker. I have been since I was 17 and never really thought about quitting. Sure i knew that eventually it would probably kill me but I never really cared. I was living for the now and not for the future. I quit while I was pregnant for the sake of my childs health and still refuse to be anywhere near her when i smoke, but until recently that wasn't going to stop me from doing it. Two weeks ago my aunt found out she had lung cancer and that it had spread to her liver. She smoked at least a pack a day. She died last week. It took her dying for me to realize what exactly I'm doing to myself and what I'm doing to my daughter. If I continue to smoke chances are at some point it'll kill me. It can happen at any age which could potentially mean I would be leaving my daughter to deal with events in her life without the love and support of her mother. The smallest or biggest events or ideas can completely change the way you view the world. Maybe you can't exactly change the whole world, but at least you can change the way the world is to you and even your family.

I've now decided to quit smoking. I know it'll be hard but I've decided it's best for me and my family. I wanna be around as long as possible to watch my daughter grow up and get married and have children of her own some day.